I take it you're not married. Hmm. I will try not to judge. But it's hard. Seriously, 36 and not married?! Sorry.
First off, stop eating octopus out of a jar- it's not attractive. In fact, you can cut back on eating pickled things in jars in general. You must tame that lustful but dorment volcano between your legs for it is doing you no favours.
Second, it sounds like you are taking advantage of your momma bear position over new intern boys and that is not cool at all. Quit it. They need your guidance and support, not your come ons and sexually charged put downs. I suggest you channel your younger male desires into actually doing some work, or even writing your own Mills & Boon book- then you can give your character the happy ending that you always wanted and needed. Oh, and before you let a boy- young or old- pet you, get married.