Gladys Knows Best- The Reply

Dear Anonymous,

I take it you're not married. Hmm. I will try not to judge. But it's hard. Seriously, 36 and not married?! Sorry.
First off, stop eating octopus out of a jar- it's not attractive. In fact, you can cut back on eating pickled things in jars in general. You must tame that lustful but dorment volcano between your legs for it is doing you no favours.
Second, it sounds like you are taking advantage of your momma bear position over new intern boys and that is not cool at all. Quit it. They need your guidance and support, not your come ons and sexually charged put downs. I suggest you channel your younger male desires into actually doing some work, or even writing your own Mills & Boon book- then you can give your character the happy ending that you always wanted and needed. Oh, and before you let a boy- young or old- pet you, get married.

Yours chastely,

Gladz

Gladys Knows Best

Dear Gladys,

I am writing to you in secret because I fear that if I was to make myself known then my reputation as head editor at a once-in-print-but-now-online magazine and general hardcore anar-chic may be jeapodised.
I am in a sticky situation. Literally. I am what people cruelly refer to as 'past her prime' or 'over the hill' yet I still feel and think (and act and smell) like a teenager on half term with nothing more to worry about than getting served at the off license and if i can forge my mum's handwriting to get out of P.E again five weeks in a row.
As well as having these adolescent traits, I also find myself falling constantly and exclusively for younger men. As my grown up female friends (I have loads of friends BTW) around me are settling down and taking life seriously, I feel my loins stirred by the younger, inexperienced, wet behind the ear boys who drift in and out of my office/spare room, wafting in their heady scent of nonchalence, linx and youth. Do younger males not have older women fantasies any more? Am I wasting my time trying to get their attention by bareing my (untoned) middrift, making the same lunch day in day out and swearing like a sailor? Is there any hope for the young at heart but old in looks?

Yours truely,
Ame- I mean.. Anonymous