Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Gladys Knows Best
"Gladys says don't get wet before marriage, girls!"
Book of the week here at Witty Pun HQ is Gladys Denny Shultz's bestseller 'It's Time You Knew- A Book for Teenage Girls'. And as a tribute to this piece of unputdownable classic informative literature, a new feature called 'Go Ask Gladys' will be appearing on Through The Witty Pun. We encourage you dear readers to write in to Gladys with your sexual secrets, your condom conundrums, your erection enquiries and your pervy petting problems, and she will do her best to answer in the only way she knows how- with good old-fashioned, homophobic, to-the-point, 1950s style patronisation. Huzzah!
To whet the appetite (...woah that felt erotic to write... wait I'm not married.. Gladys wouldn't approve) here is a sample of the sort of advice to expect from the Fanny Fuhrer, the Duchess of Desire... OK OK I'll stop.
"A certain number of boys have no interest in a girl apart from getting sexual favours from her. These boys are emotionally disturbed."
"Just as males must accept the fact females menstruate, and make allowances when girls and women do not feel quite themselves at this time, females must make allowances for the stronger sex drive of the male and govern their own conduct accordingly."
"Nymphomania: this is a form of mental illness in which a woman has an uncontrollable desire for sexual intercourse. This is a tragic condition."