Tuesday, 2 June 2009

10 Things I hate about: Goths

1. I'm no flabbist, but seriously- why do so many fattys turn goth? Or goths turn fatty? Which comes first? Is it because black is MEANT to be flattering, hiding a multitude of SIN?

2. Goths go out with goths. There is no break in the chain. I want to see goths and chavs, or goths and rockers.. or goths and gangstaz. or goths and anyone that's not goth. Goth on goth is a snorefest. I personally blame goth dating sites.

3. Goth art. what the... ?

4. Twilight is a Goth's wet dream. And Twilight can suck it as it's probably the worse film/book ever made in the history of films that I wish had never been made or conceived as an idea for a film to make. Ghengis knows. Check it.

5. Fake depression. Fake everything in fact. It's a fake culture built on no substance or credible beginning. The heroes are extreme, the villians are everybody who's not a goth. In fact, there isn't even much Goth commoradory. It's every man-dressed-as-an-ugly-woman for themselves. No wonder they pretend to be depressed.

6. Because they do it up against gravestones infront of 15 year olds. Because this is the biggest gothest cliche and goth's do nothing to disspell cliches. If anything they keep inventing them for themselves and holding onto them for dear life as strands of identity. I am yet to be surprised by a goth.

7. Chatroom Addiction. We know someone who lost her virginity in a Placebo forum. Yeah, we don't like her much either.

8. They bagsy the monopoly on some really wonderful culture, like Edgar Allan Poe and Tim Burton, therefore ruining it for the rest of us, literally blacklisting anything vaguely skull or afterlife related. But then again, maybe there is a blog out there run by a group of goth interns who are hating on people like me and my monopoly on all things rad and flowery. Highly likely.

9. They can't accept criticism. I am no doubt guarenteed to receive a whole bunch of dead rose petalled written in black eye liner hate mail now.

10. We like to imagine Goths doing all the things that they would never admit that they want to actually do, like eat ice creams and do cartwheels. Or give up their seat for an old lady, or skydive. What a restricted way to live. Maybe it's all that corset wearing..

(on a final note, here's something for the lads. If it turns you on then God help you my friend.)

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