Tuesday, 16 June 2009

10 Things I love about: The Elderly

1. Elderly clothes. Elasticated, practical and pastel. I can't wait.

2. Anyone that has lived that long to tell the tale, and by this I mean anyone over the age of 65, can say what they want. As soon as it pops into their mildly rascist wrinkly heads they spout it out. No filter between head and mouth. And the worst that they get in response is a tut tut or a rolling of the eyes.

3. Not only do they say what they want, but they eat what they want too. No more pretence at a figure keeping diet. If an old lady wants to eat biscuits three or four meals a day, then she will. Oh, and smoking pipes and/or 60 a day. Awesome.

4. The elderly get seats offered on buses they don't have to pay for. And they can talk to strangers and stroke dogs and coo at babies without anyone causing a 'what the hell's that peedo lady doing?' fuss. Lucky for some.

5. They don't have to work unless they want to. They can spend their pensioner days wearing slippers, doing crosswords, putting the kettle on, and watching afternoon telly. Sigh. Heaven.

6. By default, they have the best stories to tell because they have lived longer and seen better things, they know what they know, if you know what I mean. And you're never likely to forget these stories (if my own granny is anything to go by) because they get repeated to you so many times so many times so many times.

7. Nodding off is completely allowed, forgiven, and even expected. You've had a big meal and feel dosy? Why not fall asleep in your chair! Someone is waffling on about something that you can't hear or understand or care about? Take a nap! Oh, the envy.

8. They give the best hugs. A combination of a bit of bodily wobbliness, comforting old lady perfume, soft hands and spare time.

9. Their ability to constantly shock and surprise with choices of gifts. Book of erotic lesbian literature anyone? Marijuana leaf wallet per chance?

10. No matter what you think of them, they don't care. They were going to do what they were going to do, with or without your support. Rock on.

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